Body Image: Part 1

I have what I now consider a rather nice body. However, until the last few years, I did not think that way. For one thing, I always thought I was too skinny. In fact, I was repeatedly teased by other girls who were not as thin as I for being so skinny. I even had to have a weight waver when I joined the Navy because I was too thin.

But, it was not my thinness that I really hated. It was the not so thin top half of me that I hated. I stopped growing when I was 12. As a preteen with a large chest, school was not easy. But, what made my life really miserable was my pastor telling me that I needed to cover my already well covered breasts with a larger shirt to keep the boys from lusting after me. At the time, I thought it was all my fault. Since I didn't want boys to be able to discern my body shape, I wore shirts that were about 5 sizes too big. Now, I realize that my pastor probably had his own problems and I should not have worried about it. But, he made me feel very guilty.

Over the years, I came to realize that my body was my own, and there was nothing I could do about it. Yes, I wear my shirts tighter, now. That's how Gary likes them. But, I'm no longer ashamed of my body. I would not change it. I just wish that people in a position of power had not made me feel so worthless because of a part of my body was larger than what they liked. Or, maybe it was because they liked it. Maybe they felt guilty for lusting after a pre-teen girl who had no control over the shape her body had taken. For whatever reason he did it, he should not have. To this day, I detest him for that.

There are girls out there who are being made to feel that their bodies are bad. They are being made to feel that their bodies are ugly. They are being made to feel that because of the way their bodies are made, they are one thing or another. They need to be made to feel that their bodies are beautiful. They don't need to feel beautiful in a sexualized way, rather they need to feel beautiful because they are beautiful. They are beautiful inside and outside. They have the ability to be beautiful, no matter what they look like. And, they should be made to feel that.

Legs, Legs, L-E-G-S, Legs

Have you ever seen the Green Eggs and Ham movie? If not, check out the beginning of this movie. You only need the opening song. That's the song that kept going through my head while I was writing this post. That's what comes from being a mother!

At any rate, I wasn't able to workout for about a month due to an injury. Last Monday, I started back in. Tuesday, I had a hard time laughing thanks to the pain in my abs. Oddly enough, we didn't do any ab work that day. This Monday night, we were told that if we had been gone for a while, Tuesday morning we would know that we had worked out Monday night.

Yesterday, I told Gary that it was a cake workout. I was in no pain. Ahem. Today, I attempted to bend my leg to put my pants on and my leg said, "No!" It was not buying this cake workout idea. My thighs are killing me! But, in the end, it's all worth it. I love my workouts and they love me. Without further ado, my legs.

Our Decision to Homeschool

This was originally published in December of 2007, a few short months after we started homeschooling. I decided to drag it back out and update it. I hope you enjoy it. Updates are in blue, because blue is easier on the eyes, in my opinion.

Warning--Long... I've tried to leave out the superfluous stuff, but I do like to go on and on and on.

Our decision to homeschool was a very difficult decision to make. I know that some of you do not like the fact that we have decided this. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I would like to make some things clear about why we have made this decision. I hope that you take the time to read this with an open mind and heart.


First, let me make this clear. Our decision to homeschool was made because it was the best thing for our family. It is not a reflection on anyone else. We examined the pros and cons of homeschooling and decided that the pros far outweighed the cons. I must admit that, as you'll see, most of the cons were in regard to my life, not my children's lives. When I decided to accept the responsibility of having children, I also accepted the fact that while I am raising my children, their needs will be weighted at a higher level than my own needs. Accepting this helped me to understand that in weighing the pros and cons of homeschooling that my children's needs in this were weightier than my own.

In a perfect world, each child would get the education he needs through a mentor. That mentor would be different for each child based on that child's needs. That mentor might be the child's mother, tutor, teacher (meaning a professional educator), a craftsman, etc. This, however, is not a perfect world. I do not see it ever being a perfect world for the simple reason that people are not perfect. Since this world is run by people, it would be very difficult to make the world perfect. However, I will do whatever I can to make my children's world more perfect for them. Now, on to the pros and cons.

Since many of you are most concerned about the cons, I will address them first.


1. There is that difficulty of forming friendships and learning to integrate in society.For a lot of homeschoolers, this is not a problem. They spend a lot of time in the real world, more in fact than most traditional "schoolers". They go to church and play sports. This is actually a problem for our family. "Why?", you might ask. The reason it is a problem is that I am a bit of an introvert. I prefer to stay home and do things. Meeting people is outside my comfort zone. So, this is a con for me. You see, I am willing to step outside my comfort zone for the sake of my children. Indeed, because of this willingness, I am meeting a lot of other moms that I really like. I am spending time chatting with other adults on a more regular basis than I usually do. The kids are having a lot of fun meeting other kids with similar interests and we've gotten to do some really cool things that we otherwise wouldn't have done.

My children are learning to function in the real world in a way that spending 6-7 hours a day with a group of children their own age would not accomplish. They are learning to deal with children of all ages and indeed to speak to adults in a fashion that will help them later in life. They are seeing the world in all it's glory. It is quite amazing, actually.

We still struggle to find friends for our younger boys. Gabriel has a very close friend whom he will be sad to see move. Most of the children we have met and become friends with in Xavier and Dominic's age groups are girls. This is not really a problem, but it would be nice for them to be able to have sleep overs. We started Tae Kwon Do in November of 2008. This has been a boon to the entire family. The boys are slowly building friendships, but class is not really the place to make friends. We will start competing this fall, and that IS conducive to making friends. We are looking forward to it. Also, we have joined a chess club, which Xavier loves. Xavier will also be joining a robotics team this fall. Hopefully, he will find that kid he clicks with. Xavier tends to be a one friend only kind of kid, while Dominic is willing to play with everyone. As a result of this personality type, it is harder for Xavier to make friends.

2. I don't have time to do some of the things I want to do. Okay, I have to admit that before I decided to homeschool, I was considering getting a part time job to spend some time outside the house. The primary goal in this was to meet new people and make friends. After all, we had just moved here and like I mentioned before, I am a bit of an introvert and making new friends is hard for me. However, I decided that my children must take first priority in my life. I am finding that I have actually been happier this year than I have been in a long time. I am enjoying spending time with the boys in a way that I never did before.

This has really turned out to be a non-issue for me. The only thing that I would be doing different at this point, is that I would already be back in school. However, I plan to make that happen within the next year, so I don't consider it a big draw back.

3. The responsibility is all ours. When you send your child to school, you have the limited ability to choose which school to send them to if you can afford private schools. You also have the limited ability to live in the school district you want them to go to school in. However, once you choose, and you send them off, your part is "done". Of course you help with their homework. You make sure that they are behaving in school. You volunteer in the classroom. BUT, your choices have been made. The curriculum choices are the responsibility of the school. Whether or not to teach something is the responsibility of the school. When you homeschool, all that responsibility falls on you. It is an awesome responsibility. Sometimes, it can keep you up at night. Knowing that you are totally responsible for your child's education can be a bit disconcerting. There is a flip side to that that I will discuss in the pros section.

4. Homeschooling can get expensive.

If you were working before you started homeschooling, you might lose part of your family's income. That can contribute to the cost of homeschooling. If your child would have gone to public school, homeschooling can be more expensive. There is the cost of books, curriculum, field trips, extra classes, tutors, co-ops, etc.

I'm sure there are more cons and I just can't think of them right now. So, I'll move on to the pros.


1. I get to decide what my children learn. (See? The flip side to con #3!) I decide when they are ready to move on. I decide whether they are ready to take sex ed. Gabriel would be taking sex ed in school this year, I'm sure. It seems that 5th grade is when schools like to introduce it. We'll hit on it this year since we are studying the human body, but it'll be in a purely biological way because he's not ready for the emotional side of reproduction, yet. See? I'm able to look at my child and decide what he learns. You see, a parent knows their children best. I am able to discern what they are ready for and move on to it, then.

Ah, sex ed. Gabriel did do sex ed through life science that year, and he told me that it made him lose his appetite. Raising children is so much fun!

2. I get to pick the curriculum. Now, I know that just reading that sentence is enough to make some people go over the top. But, after reading this explanation, perhaps you'll understand why I consider this a pro. I have the benefit of only teaching 3 children. I have an intimate knowledge of their progression and the ways they learn. If one curriculum's style is not working, I can change it or change my teaching style for that curriculum to make it work. I also know quite quickly if something is or isn't working. It makes it easier for me as their teacher to be able to have this flexibility. What many people don't understand is the long process that homeschool parents go through to decide on the curriculum for their children. For the most part, the curriculum that I use has been written specifically for homeschool. This means that it is easier for me to teach. Quite frankly, I believe that some of this material could be adapted quite well to the classroom. I also love the curriculum that I am currently using and would recommend it to anyone.

3. I have the flexibility to slow down or speed up with my child's learning. So, while this should be an obvious pro, it might not be to all people. I'll give you an example. Recently, I realized (through review) that, while Gabriel has a strong grasp on the concept and mechanics of long division, it takes him way too long to actually accomplish the work. So, I was able to halt his fractions and take him on an intensive review of long division. Because I was able to sit with him and do every single problem with him, he was able to go from taking 45 minutes to do one problem to taking at the most 5 minutes to do one problem in just 3 days. Then, we were able to pick back up with fractions where we had left off. If Gabriel had been in a regular school setting, I would not have realized this need. His teacher may or may not have realized it. If she had realized it, she may or may not have communicated this need to me. If she had communicated the need to me, I can guarantee you (from past experience) that Gabriel would not have allowed me to help him with it. When Gabriel goes to school, he refuses to believe that I know what I'm talking about. At one point, I even had to prove to him on the calculator that the answer I was getting was right before he would believe me. He's got a bit of the sceptic in him! At any rate, this is why this is such a pro for me. It gives me the ability to speed up his learning. As in the case of his reading, which I have written extensively about and do not feel the need to repeat.

After fractions, Gabriel's math took off. He finished the next year's math work in 6 weeks and moved on to pre-algebra, at which point, I slowed him down. Dominic has taken two years to go through the first grade math book, which if fine, since he's only entering first grade this year. This was a developmental slow down. We would go over a concept, he would mull on it for a couple weeks, then come back to me when he understood it (usually without any more interference on my part) and we would move on. This has proven to be a blessing. He was ready to learn the math, but not at a pace that would have been used in a school setting. Math may take him twice as long as his brothers, or his development may catch up with his enthusiasm. Regardless, we're able to take it at his pace, which ensures he understands what he is doing.

3. My children become very close. Because of constant proximity, there will always be fighting. However, there is a closeness between my children that would not have been there were they separated for 6-7 hours a day. I treasure that closeness and hope that it endures throughout their lives.

This has been an amazing thing to watch. My children have always been close, but homeschooling has brought them even closer. As I watch other families deal with siblings that barely know each other, I am doubly glad for the closeness that my family has.

4. Educational freedom. My children have the ability to change their course of study within the guidelines I have provided for them. For example, this year, we are studying biology. Throughout the year, we will study animals, the human body, and plant life. Within that framework, they are able to pick what they want to study. This is a major plus when it comes to motivation.

We don't do school the way we did in December of 2007. In fact, we have pretty much changed everything we did (we still use the same math program). Now, my children have less say in what they study, but they are all much happier in what they are studying.

4B. Time to explore their own interests outside of school time. Since we changed the way we do things, my children are typically done with school by noon. This allows them to explore both the outside world, as well as explore 'academic' interests not being followed in their course of study. For Dominic, this means that he reads and watches numerous books and videos about the human body. For Gabriel, this means consuming book after book about mythology. For Xavier, this means tripping over a book that is on the floor in the library and reading it. Pretty much, if I want them to read it, I just need to pull it off the shelf, and they'll get around to reading it on their own. This is a wonderful benefit, to my way of thinking.

As they get older, they will also use this time for volunteer work, and for manuel labor, which is very necessary, in my opinion, to their development.

5. Physical Freedom. We have the ability to take our vacations when it is best for our family. We are able to visit the zoo and museums during the week. We can go on vacation when it is cheaper and less crowded. We can also plan our learning around those times. Also, and most importantly in our family, we can schedule school around Gary's work schedule. Gary has been gone a lot over the last 3 years. Since we moved here in May, he's been gone a total of 15 out of 30 weeks. The ability to schedule school breaks around his time off has been a real blessing.

Out of all the benefits we got from homeschooling this past year, this was the highest on the list. Gary went to a school in Florida for 3 months. During that 3 months, my uncle died. We dropped everything and drove to Oklahoma for a week. Then, we drove down to FL (which was already planned) and stayed at the beach, in a condo, for 6 weeks. We did school while we were there, in the morning, and spent the afternoon at the beach. In the evening, we were able to see Gary. It was wonderful, especially considering the fact that Gary deployed in November. When Gary got home in May, we took a month off from school. If the boys had been in public or private school, they would not have gotten out of school for the summer until Gary had already gone back to work. I think it was very important for them to have this re-bonding time with Gary.

6. Sleep. Okay, this may seem like an easy one to overcome to some people, but it was very difficult for Xavier to get enough sleep when he was going to school. Gabriel was no problem. But, we were sending Xavier to bed between 7:30 and 8:00 every night, and he just wasn't getting enough sleep. Now, he can sleep late and still get his work accomplished. It has really helped him.

7. Eating. Another easy one, right? Well, Xavier needs to eat on a regular schedule. While he was going to a private school, this was not a problem. The teacher called me on the 2nd day of school to find out what she could do to help Xavier acclimate to the classroom. It really was a simple matter of making sure he ate every 2 hours. Unfortunately, this could not happen at our local public school without an IEP (Individual Education Plan). Going through the process of getting an IEP is a bit much, in my opinion, just so that the kid can eat regularly. So, that is another pro for him.

8. No busywork. I don't think this needs elaboration.

9. I am getting to be really close to my children and enjoying it. Now, you would think that I already had this as a stay at home mom. I, however, am not one of those moms that derives enjoyment from just "hanging out" with her kids. I don't really enjoy playing little kid board games and reading the same book over and over again. I can't stand playing computer games with them and video games give me a headache--serious motion sickness there, people! Now, though, I'm learning with them. If you know me at all, you know that my biggest joy in life is learning new things. I'm also re-learning things I already learned and saying, "Oh, wow! I had forgotten that!" I figure that by the time I've taught it to 3 kids, I'll probably have it down, at least most of it. I can't wait for them to be old enough for me to go back to school. No, I have no intention of getting a job. I just love learning. Our local university, has a classical language program that, after beginning Latin with Gabriel, I am dying to go through.

10. Gabriel is happier now than he has been in years. Yes, I know that he'll still go through ups and downs. But the confidence that he is exhibiting is wonderful. It makes everything and every day worthwhile.

Finally, the main reason we homeschool is because we love our children and want what is best for them. After many sleepless nights, much research, and even more discussion (mainly with myself) we decided that homeschooling is what is best for our children.

If This is What Good People Do, Save Me From Good People

Wisconsin Man Gets 50 Years for Kidnapping, Gay Sex Assault

Lanphear's attorney told the judge his client was not a "monster." Lanphear, a longtime paper mill worker and divorced father, has no previous criminal record and is a dutiful son, Gary Kryshak said.

"Quite frankly, Ed Lanphear is a good man who did a very bad thing," said Kryshak, who recommended a prison sentence of 20 years.

A good person who does a 'bad' thing is someone who kills another man because that man did what Lanphear did to the killer's children. Lanphear has no claim to being a good man. That's all there is to it.

We Don't Have the Time or Freedom to Get It Wrong

Obama Administration Sets Out on Heath Care Reform Blitz

President Obama keeps saying that we need to hurry and get this health care reform bill passed. He seems to want to pass this bill before we have an opportunity to read it and decided whether or not we actually want it. I believe that even those who support this bill, perhaps they more than others, have no idea what is in it.

Health care needs to be reformed. There is no doubt in anyone's mind that health care in America costs too much. There is much wrong with today's system. I think a lot of what is wrong has to do with the fact that America is such a litigious society. The amount of money that is spent on lawsuits is amazing. Even when the lawsuits are dismissed, there is a lot of money spent on them. It's a ridiculous waste of money.

The American people deserve a system that is fully thought out and done right. Our political leaders should not have the freedom to throw things together that will affect America's future for generations to come. Instead, they should be forced to take their time and do it right. They should not do things for political gain. They should do what is right. We need them to take their time.

My Next Son Will be Named Alec

Global Warming or Climate Change

Has anyone else noticed that you rarely see anything about 'global warming' these days? It's all about climate change, now. Eventually, people will forget that it was all about global warming and start talking about global cooling. Or, if they're smart, the environmentalists and other whack jobs will make sure to keep the term climate change. That way, they can use the term for any weather that comes along. Sadly, many people will be fooled by this.

What Makes Homeschoolers Different

Depending on who you talk to, you'll hear all kinds of generalizations about homeschoolers. So far, I haven't heard even one that was universal. Yet, they are all taken as universal when they are spoken. Here are a few of my favorites:

Usually spoken by homeschool parents:

"Homeschoolers are more polite than 'schooled' kids." I'm falling off my chair laughing.

"Homeschoolers are kinder than 'schooled' kids." Oh really? Then why did that kid at the park hit that girl with a stick?

"Homeschoolers are more respectful." Sometimes. It all depends on the situation and parents, and quite frankly, the children.

"Homeschooled children have no problem talking to adults." Well, I only have to look at my oldest child to dispel this myth. He tends to giggle when he talks to adults, until he really gets into whatever he's discussing. Then, he forgets and just carries on a normal conversation.

Usually spoken by non-homeschool parents:

"Homeschoolers are socially inept." Yes and no. Obviously, some homescoolers are socially inept. See oldest child as an example. Some homeschoolers have no problem with the whole social scene. The fact is that most homeschoolers are what they would have been, socially, whether they homeschooled or not. On the other hand, they are usually more comfortable with who they are when they are homeschooled. (Another generalization, with the caveat that, obviously, this is not always true!)

"Homeschoolers are smarter than 'schooled' children." Sometimes

"Homeschoolers are behind their 'schooled' counterparts." Sometimes

"Homeschoolers are crazy right wing lunatics." Sometimes :)

"Homeschoolers are crazy left wing hippies." Sometimes

See, the problem with generalizations about homeschoolers is that homeschoolers are an amazingly diverse group of people. There are conservatives and liberals. There are people from all religions, of all sexual persuasion, of all races, from all economic backgrounds, and all different professions. So, what does make homeschoolers different? Is there any one thing that defines homeschoolers, aside from the fact that they homeschool?

On my family blog, I frequently post what I call 'isms'. These are things that my children say that I have found amusing. Yesterday, I posted something that Xavier said. A friend commented on it, saying, "That's a homeschooler." And, suddenly, I realized that she is right. There is one thing, that in my opinion, is almost universal among homeschoolers.

Homeschoolers internalize the things they learn. There are many theories about why homeschoolers do so well on standardized tests. Most people believe that it has to do with the small 'class' size. I'm sure that has something to do with it. However, I would say that it has much more to do with the fact that homeschoolers tend to integrate what they learn into their lives. If they are studying the fall of Rome in history, they might have long discussions about this at the dinner table. If they are studying nouns, they tend to see nouns all over the place. Once they learn a math concept, they begin to see how math is used in life.

As a result of all this 'using what they learn' and actually internalizing the information, rather than learning it for a test, homeschoolers are able to use that information when it comes time to take a test in the long term. Most homeschool parents are just not worried about tests. And, when they are, it is more of a guideline for them to know if there is an area their child is struggling with that they were unaware of. As a result, the parents just teach their children without regard for a test. In fact, many homeschool parents do not administer any kind of test to their children throughout the course of the year. (I am one of those parents.) Yet, when it comes time for homeschoolers to use the knowledge they have acquired, they are more than able.

The fact is that no matter the method used in homeschooling (and there are as many ways of homeschooling as there are for cooking chicken), homeschooling has something schools don't have. It has life. It allows children to live their learning. And these children, have a tendency to relate everything they learn to their lives. As a result, homeschoolers frequently seem weird. There just aren't that many 'schooled' children that talk about ancient Rome as though it pertains to their lives (which it does). And, you know, not all homeschooled children know as much about ancient Rome as my children do. My children are passionate about Ancient history. But, the things they have learned, they have learned and made a part of themselves. And that is what is different about homeschoolers.

And, can someone please tell blogger that 'homeschooler', 'homeschool', and 'homeschooled' are all one word words so that spellcheck will stop trying to tell me that I misspelled them?

Teen Pregnancy

There are many theories about why there is such a high rate of teen pregnancy. There is the theory that many teen stars have gotten pregnant, given birth, and are 'mothering' their children, thus making pregnancy a part of pop culture. There is the vague permission that sex education gives. "Don't do it, but if you do, wear a condom." There is even the old, "Society is losing all its moral fiber." But, the other day, I discovered the real reason for teen pregnancy. It's all Discovery's fault.

I rented 'Human Body: Pushing the Limits' by Discovery from Netflix. The boys have really enjoyed watching this. Xavier especially liked the surgery portion. But, the other day, Xavier came upstairs and asked, "Mom, did they have to take your eggs out and fertilize them, when you had us?"

That is when I had my epiphany. Teens are getting pregnant because they don't know sex causes babies. They think you get pregnant by in vitro. Obviously, all that sex ed is failing and we need to step it up a notch.

Oh my gosh! I just saw this over on The Reluctant Optimist. Apparently, you can get in vitro in the pool! That's why so many teens are getting pregnant!

note: Netflix is great for a lot of "school" related things. It is amazing what they have available for rent.