Kindness and Understanding are SO Important

I just had to share this post with you. It really warmed my heart.

A Cup of Cold Water

Nice Guys Aren't My Thing

All my life, I have loved bad boys. They were always the most attractive to me. During my "dating" days, I exclusively dated bad boys. In fact, I distinctly remember a conversation with a very nice guy, and very close friend, about why I would not go out with him. My reply was along the lines of, "I don't want to hurt you. I am not interested in a relationship. You're just too nice. I'd rather stay friends, and chances are I'll lose that friendship if I date you."

One day, though, I started dating a guy before I realized he was a nice guy. In fact, I fell in love with him and married him. The first nice guy I dated, I married. Then..... I promptly changed him into a bad boy. I ask you, is it me?

In my opinion, I found just the right combination. He's all that I could ask for in a husband and father (the nice guy side) and he's also fun, adventuress, and crazy funny. I found a nice guy that was also a bad boy: the perfect combination.

Wonderful Mothers

North Dakota Mother Charged With Child Neglect, Allegedly Breast-Fed Baby While Drunk

The problem I have with this is that if you report a pregnant woman for doing drugs or drinking while pregnant, there is nothing the police can do about it. After all, until the baby is born, it is not a child. Never mind the fact that alcohol abuse during pregnancy causes permanent brain damage in children. Using drugs while pregnant also causes major problems for children. Yet, these children are in no way protected, because until that child is born, it is not a child (according to the law). Yet, the children have to pay for it for the rest of their lives.

What is Your Favorite Body Part?

I like several parts of my body. I like the way my eyes squint. I like the fact that my hair can be straight one day......

and curly the next.

But the body parts I like the most are my hands. My hands can hold a child and comfort him if he's sad, hurt, or ill.

They can type an email to send to my husband.

They can relieve stress.

They can cook and clean.

They can comb my son's hair.

I love my hands because they can do so much. They can play the piano, flute, and a little saxophone. They can cook and clean. They can hold a book and rub a back. They can drive a car and push a lawn mower. They can take a picture, and publish it on a blog. They can soothe a child, and let him know he's loved. They can punch a bag and relieve stress. They can look beautiful even though they are scarred and dry. They are my favorite body part because they communicate for me.

Xavier's ADD Story

I can honestly say that if it weren't for Tae Kwon Do that Xavier would not have gotten a diagnosis for ADHD. The fact of the matter is that I can accommodate a lot while homeschooling. If he gets frustrated or distracted, we can change activities. The problem with a diagnosis of ADD is that it is all subjective. And, when you are the only person doing the observing, you don't want to make a mistake. So, I put off having him diagnosed for a long time.

Two things happened that led me to getting Xavier diagnosed. The first thing was my observation of his actions in during Tae Kwon Do class. Xavier got in trouble in almost every class. He had trouble focusing, even though he was trying his hardest to do so. Xavier has done more push ups in Tae Kwon Do than any other kid in his class. It really doesn't bother him to do so. About a month after he started Tae Kwon Do, he asked one of the instructors to help him focus better during class. The instructor told him that he would be willing to do that, but Xavier needed to understand that he would be doing more push ups. Xavier was fine with that. He knew that it would help him. The problem is, it wasn't helping. He would get in trouble, and within minutes be distracted again. He was extremely frustrated. Watching his frustration with his inability to focus when he was doing an activity that he loves, and was trying his hardest was what told me that he definitely had ADD. You see, when it was just about his school work, I was afraid it was just boredom and an excess of energy. But, this was manifesting itself in more than one place and way, and I knew that it was time to get help for him.

The second thing that happened was a discussion with the father of one of the "adult" students. This student is 14 or 15. I love this kid. He is so sweet, cute, and outrageous. (Dominic loves him!) One day, I noticed him in class. He was bouncing on the balls of his feet while listening to the instructors tell the announcements at the beginning of class. He was cracking his knuckles. He was rocking back and forth. Basically, he was going crazy standing there trying to pay attention. I looked at his father and said, "Does A have ADD?" He said, "That's amazing that you noticed that." It wasn't really, since I had been doing so much research on it. But, we carried on a long conversation about ADD.

You see, one of my problems is that I don't want Xavier's personality to change. That boy is one of the funnest kids I have ever been around. I like his high energy levels. I appreciate his creativity. I love his ability to think outside the box (or in it). I don't want any of that to change. After talking to this father, I realized that all those things that I love about Xavier, I see in A. The main differences are that A is older, and on medication.

Xavier was prescribed a very low dose of medication. He'll have been on it for two weeks on Thursday. The first couple days, he would burst into tears at the end of the day. Now, honestly, I don't know if this was caused by the medication, or coming down off a sugar high from his grandparents being here. Regardless of the reason, that has stopped. Last week, my mother and 9-year-old nephew were here. We still did school work and went to Tae Kwon Do. Xavier was more able to focus than I have ever seen him. One of the things he finds difficult in school is writing. He hates doing it. He is extremely good at math, but if he has to write the answers down, he almost never finishes his work. Last week, and this, he has consistently brought me his work, having written the problems (which I usually write) and the answers in legible handwriting. He has done things the first time I told him. And, most notably, he has not gotten in trouble once in Tae Kwon Do. He has not had any trouble focusing. I know he is still working hard to stay on task during Tae Kwon Do. After all, it is the end of the day and he is tired. But, he is finding it doable. Before, it just wasn't possible, no matter how hard he tried.

I am so happy. He is happy. I was in no way expecting miracles. I was not expecting this to be an instantaneous thing. But, it has seemed like a miracle. I'm not saying there will never be problems. He's a kid. But, now, he has the ability to focus when he wants to. And that, to me, is a miracle.

We All Have ADHD

Well, in actuality, I doubt Dominic does. Gabriel has a formal diagnosis of ADHD without the hyperactive component. Gary and I can both suppose that we have ADHD (with hyperactivity). Xavier has an appointment for Wednesday for a diagnosis. But, the truth is, if he doesn't have ADHD, I will be very surprised. (update: This was started two weeks ago, Xavier had his appointment, and the diagnosis was positive. He also has the hyperactivity component. No surprises there.)

Because of attempting to help Xavier, I have finally gotten around to reading a book given me last April. Delivered from Distraction by Edward M Hallowell, M.D., and John J Ratey, M.D. is turning out to be an excellent book. I can appreciate (in a humor kind of way) the fact that the chapters are short. I was hooked in the "How to Read This Book" section, when they gave me permission to never finish reading the book.

So far, I have read about 1/3 of the book, skipping around to the chapters that held my interest. In the second chapter, I had a good laugh at this quote:

So let me describe ADD from my point of view. First of all, I resent the term. Maybe it's just because I have ADD myself, but it seems to me that if anyone has a disorder, it is the people who plod along paying close attention to every little speck and crumb, every little detail and rule, every minor policy and procedure in every minuscule manual. I think these are the people who have a disorder. I call it Attention Surplus Disorder. They did exactly what they were told as children, told on others who did not, and now make a living doing what they're told, telling others what to do, and telling on those who don't.

What kind of a life is that? Wouldn't you rather have attention deficit than attention surplus? If you had to call one a disorder, wouldn't you vote for the surplus? Who wants to pay attention to the myriad details for very long? Is it really a sign of mental health to be able to balance your checkbook, sit still in your chair, and never speak out of turn? As far as I can see, many people who
don't have ADD are charter members of the Society of the Congenitally Boring. And who do you suppose advanced civilization? Who do you suppose comes up with the new ideas today? People with ADD, of course.

Now tell the truth. If you have ADD, you are rolling around in your chair laughing, that is, if you are still in your chair.

In chapter 5, which is 3 pages long, he says

In ADD, you can get so wrapped up in one project that you all but forget who and where you are. You do not suffer from a deficit of attention but a wandering of attention. Your mind does not go empty, it goes elsewhere. The term attention deficit disorder completely misses this point. It is not a deficit of attention that we ADD-ers have, it is that our attention likes to go where it wants to and we can't always control it.

Of course, if you don't have ADD, you probably don't get the humor inherent in these quotes. But, if you do have ADD, you'll love this book. I recommended it to my sister, Sally. She called me laughing over her reaction to the "questionnaire to find out if you have ADD." She was laughing over the questions. Question 35 is, "Are you chuckling to yourself as you read these question?", which she, of course, thought was hilarious. My favorite question is number 123, "If you have made it this far into this quiz, are you surprised that you have paid attention this long?" To be honest, I had started skipping around at that point. I just happened to luck out and read that question. And it was quite a blessing to discover that my piles of paper are not just disorganization, but also a symptom of my ADD. It would probably be a good thing for me to get my ADD under control.

There is one quote that I especially like.

In other ways having ADD is like being supercharged all the time. I tell kids it's like having a race-car brain. Your brain goes faster than the average brain. Your trouble is putting on the brakes. You get one idea and you have to act on it, and then, what do you know, but you've got another idea before you've finished up with the first one, and so you go for that one, but of course a third idea intercepts the second, and you just have to follow that one, and pretty soon people are calling you disorganized and impulsive and disobedient and defiant and all sorts of impolite words that miss the point completely. Because you're trying so hard to get it right. It's just that you have all these invisible vectors pulling you this way and that, which makes it really hard to stay on task.

Basically, I like this book because it speaks to me. I feel like I could crawl inside it and live there. After all, it describes me and my family to perfection. I am just now getting to the parts about diet and exercise. But, I know they play a significant part in combating the effects of ADD. I know this because I have observed it in my children. I am not as good at imposing a strict diet on myself as I am at doing it to my children.

I'll follow with an update on Xavier. It's quite remarkable, actually.

My Journey to Judaism

Tonight, a very nice, very well meaning woman told me she had a book she wanted me to read. She said this after we had a short discussion about the fact that I do not believe that Jesus is the son of God. Now, I'm not dumb. I know what kind of book she wants me to read. The problem is that I've read, read, and read some more. I'm willing to read her book, but only if it is an "information only" type book. I refuse to read something that is written for the sole purpose of evangelism. But, it got me thinking about my journey to Judaism. I thought I would share some of it with you.

I can't remember when I first started questioning my parents' religion. By the time I was in 4th grade, it was in full question. Perhaps if anyone had been able to answer specific questions instead of saying, "You just have to have faith.", I would have stopped questioning at that time. However, no one was ever able to answer any of my questions. They told me things like: "You'll understand when you're older.", my personal favorite, "This is just the way it is." and various other answers that rarely had anything to do with my questions. Meanwhile, I read a series called The Zion Covenant. This book series started me thinking about Judaism. It is a Christian book series set in Nazi Germany. Quite frankly, I have always been fascinated by Judaism. I'm not sure why. But, these books really got me thinking about Judaism and the struggle for the state of Israel. However, I put all that on the back burner and didn't think much about it for a long time. Judaism was just too radical for me.

Would real answers have stopped my disbelief? I can't say, because by the time I was in high school, I had stopped believing completely. I am, however, a very spiritual person. As a result, I desperately wanted to search for my own beliefs. I could not do that, however, until I moved out of my parents' home. So, at the age of 17, the November after I graduated from high school, I moved out. I did not start my search immediately, though. My search did not start full on until I was in boot camp, only a few months later.

Boot camp was the first time I had ever attended a church service other than the one my parents attended. It was an interesting event, if a bit odd to my way of thinking. After our graduation from boot camp, we had time to go about town. During that weekend, I got introduced to a Catholic Mass. One of the guys I hung out with was Catholic and wanted to go to Mass, so I went with him. I can honestly say that it was like a foreign world. While I no longer have any problem with the pomp of Mass, I still can't see the point of confessing to a priest, when I can confess directly to God.

All that is moot, of course, since within a year of boot camp, I had exhausted all the studying of different Christian religions with the same answer for each. I just didn't believe the things they were teaching. So, I went to the opposite end of the spectrum and started investigating other religions. I started with Wicca. Now, I have to say that Wicca is a very interesting religion. And, contrary to popular opinion, studying it will not cause you to become devil possessed. At any rate, within a year, I had decided that Wicca was definitely not for me.

After about a year of thought and perusing the religion section of book stores, I happened upon a book called, "Buddhism Without Beliefs" by Stephen Batchelor. This was a book about Buddhism for agnostics or atheists. I fit that description, so I bought the book. I was hooked, instantly. Over the next 4 or 5 years, I studied and read about Buddhism. I attended a Buddhist temple. I read a few books by the Dalai Lama. But, my favorite author on Buddhism is Thich Nhat Hanh. His book, "Breathe! You Are Alive: Sutra on the Full Awareness of Breathing" seriously helps me control my breathing, my mind, and my body. I read this particular book while I was pregnant with Dominic. It really helped me prepare my body and mind for sleep, although that is not its primary purpose.

While I still believe in the principles of Buddhism, it was not enough for me. You see, I was an agnostic Buddhist. I believe that Buddhism can co-exist with other beliefs. You do not have to believe in the many gods that some Buddhists believe in, in order to be a Buddhist. One of the things I did believe in was reincarnation. This creates a problem with a lot of religions. One day, I was reading about Judaism. Suddenly, it all fell into place. Here was a religion I understood. Here was a religion I believed in. Here was a religion I agreed with. And, wonder of all wonders, reincarnation did not have to be thrown under the bus. While reincarnation is not a mainstream Jewish belief, it is not unheard of or contrary to the basic beliefs of Judaism (as it is to Christianity).

I began to study Judaism. It took me 3 years and two moves to finally call a rabbi. During those three years, I marked the location of all the synagogues I saw. I drank in the Jewish culture. I read, read, and read some more. Finally, I got up the nerve to contact a rabbi. I had my first appointment with him last February. Wow. He gave me a few books to read that I had not found. My favorite was "9 Questions People Ask About Judaism" by Dennis Prager and Joseph Telushkin. This is a book for the lay person. It is a book for anyone curious about what Judaism is and isn't. It is a great book for someone considering converting. It is a great book for someone wanting to know what their Jewish friend believes. To say that my meeting with the rabbi and the books he gave to read were enlightening is putting it lightly. It was amazing to me how much I felt like I had come home.

Now, it has been over a year since I started my conversion. In April of last year, my conversion got put on hold because of a death in the family and an extended family "vacation" in Florida. It got put on hold again in December. This time, it may be on permanent hold. I haven't decided, yet. The fact is that I have found what I searched for all those years. Do I need to finish my conversion to feel at peace? I don't know. For the most part, I am happy with what I have found. Will I ever finish my conversion? I don't know. If I do, I think I will start it all over again. There were just too many starts and stops for me to feel like I was properly going through the conversion process. Unfortunately, it is very difficult for me to go through the conversion process with Gary gone. Perhaps when he gets back. We will see.

In the meantime, let me say this. Well meaning, evangelical Christians, please, understand that I love you. I know that you love me and want the best for me. However, I have studied it. I have researched it. I have prayed and prayed and prayed. I have cried. I have struggled. I have searched for at least 20 years and I am only 32. I have found what I was looking for. I'm not looking anymore. I'm sorry if that bothers you. But, it's not going to change. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for caring enough to try to change my mind. Please, don't get upset when I tell you no. Try to understand that we are following different paths. Try to understand that I accept you the way you are. I even understand your need to try to change my beliefs. But, try to understand when you are unable to change them, and love me, anyway.

What Not to DO

When I was in high school, I got a cyst on my wrist. It went away on its own. However, it came back while I was in boot camp. It didn't hurt, unless I tried to do push ups. The extra pressure on the wrist hurt. So, they slapped a wrist brace on it, and I got back to work. That was fine with me. I was never given much of a diagnosis other than the fact that it was a cyst. Eventually, it went away again, and it hasn't been back.

Last night, I was reading "Martha Stewart Living" May 2009. (Don't say anything. I know I don't seem the type. I'm not, but I have a free subscription. I'm enjoying it, so don't knock it. I'm still a tomboy at heart, though.) There was an article about hand health and it mentioned Ganglion cysts. I'm pretty sure that is what I had. It doesn't really matter what I had. The reason I am mentioning this is because the article almost made me fall off the bed laughing when I read

Too often, Wolf says, people try to rupture ganglion cysts on their own by banging on them with a book or other heavy object. "I do not recommend this," she says.

OH MY GOSH!!!!

Why am I Not Surprised?

Lawmakers, Veteran Groups Debate JROTC Program in San Francisco

I especially liked this line,

Hal Muskat, an Army veteran who refused to serve in Vietnam, said he doesn't want his tax dollars going to what he calls "military training" for high school students.

"This is military training, it's that simple," said Muskat, now a member of Veterans for Peace. "This is about softening up very impressionable, open-minded, young teenagers to the cult of militarism. Military skills have no place in public schools."

Maybe he shouldn't have to pay for our military, period. The fact of the matter is, the JROTC program does amazing things with kids of ALL financial backgrounds. This is ridiculous.

The Really Great Thing

about finding a sport you love, is that you don't mind if you throw up after a really hard workout. I'm not saying that happened recently (it hasn't happened in several months), but it sure felt like it could have happened, tonight.

Government DMV Auto Repair

Hat Tip TRO

Life Without Internet

can be sweet.